Inner Voice

What is your inner voice saying to you?

Experiencing grief or disappointment is a human condition we will all travel through, whether we want to or not. How one handles these conditions can be important to a caring and supportive inner voice. As you might imagine, I write. I get it all off my chest, head, heart, and onto the page. I get it out of my body, and then I sit with it.

If I’m honest, I’ve been in a rut of a routine for the past 12-24 months. I've done the bare minimum to get through the day, the week, the month, and then shove my mind full of The Big Bang Theory reruns. They make me laugh, and laughing makes me feel almost normal.

But when the laughter dies, and the lights go out, I’m back to dwelling on the trials and tribulations until I can find something else to occupy my mind. Depending on how deep the emotions are, it can take some time until I can be pulled away from Diners, Dine-Ins, and Drives – I love food too – but eventually my body will let me know when it’s had enough.

It helps to have a healthy inner voice. Mine is encouraging, supportive, and absolutely real in a way I need it to be. Seriously, how many times are you going to watch Amy and Sheldon have sex for the first time? (Insert eye roll.) Yes, if Penny showed interest in Amy before Sheldon did, this might be a different show. And? What are you doing?

My inner voice will let me know when I’ve been sitting around, stuck in my mess for too long. My body will respond by getting restless, looking for people to help, problems to solve, or better yet, things to clean. My initial want is to write or create something, but my mind already knows it cannot and will not create anything in chaos; thus, cleaning is my first sign that I’m awakening from my funk. However, I'm fully aware that cleaning is an avoidance technique of many writers.

And I will clean everything. Tops of cabinets, behind heavy furniture, I have no business moving by myself, but this clarity brings a deep source of strength, and moving refrigerators and dresser drawers isn’t problematic. Items I’ve been holding onto for dear life are suddenly dead to me. Things I intended to get fixed but didn’t, eventually found their home in the garbage with the other dead items. Even the things I’ve saved for “just in case” were tossed because they no longer seem practical.

If your inner voice isn’t encouraging or supportive, perhaps what you’re hearing are the words of those who didn’t value you or know your worth. Unfortunately, we don't control the environment we're born into. That decision was not up to us. But the great thing is that what "they" think doesn’t matter anymore. Let what "they" think about who you are be dead to you. We all need a healthy and supportive inner voice to get us through our next journey, but not if it is littered with what other people's words. Tell yourself what you'd tell your bestie or your favorite sibling. Big up yourself for the little things because it's all little things. Slowly but surely, with consistent practice, your inner voice will be just as annoyingly supportive as mine can be.

I appreciate that even though life can and will deal me some additional trials and tribulations, dwelling in them is optional. It can take years to climb out of grief and disappointment, but I know it’s a choice that my mind and body won’t let me linger in too long. I'll get the urge to get up off my tail feathers and do something...anything. In this moment, I needed a deep cleanse.

I look around my apartment now and see myself emerging from this episode of loss and sadness, of grief and disappointment. It feels like spring. What has been discarded feels liberating, like I allowed a weight sink to the bottom. It makes me smile inside. My place looks like a brand-new day. I feel lighter and dare I say, ready.

But now my inner voice wants to know, What are we creating next?